i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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