he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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