Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
