I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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