your room smells of hookers.
And success
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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