im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
