I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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