oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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