im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
