I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
