Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
