Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
