Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My ATM looks so different sober.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
