i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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