I wish I could teleport
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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