I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
