I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
