what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
