dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
