I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
