it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I love having hate sex.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
