She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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