just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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