She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need to align my fucking chakras
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
