wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
