Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
