I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
