He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
