I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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