they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
