the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
