This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
