some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
