ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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