I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's never too late to be topless.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
