Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
