can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
