weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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