I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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