The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
