i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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