the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
