I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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