he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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