her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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