Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
