what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
