You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
