Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
