Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
