why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We are two peas in an std pod
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
